Opening Mother Fuckin Day

I am just now recovering from my hangover from Friday night. The first game of the 2011 campaign was definitely the best experience at any sporting event I've ever experienced. I want to get some things off my chest before I give a quick recap of the Friday night festivities. In no particular order, here are some things to avoid when attending any other games at the 'Dome.

1. If you're going to wear a hat, make sure its a Jays hat. I can't stress enough how critical this point is. It will make you look like less of a complete moron and save you harassment from hordes of drunken fans including myself. If you're wearing say, a Pirates hat to a Jays vs Indians game, then you really shouldn't be there in the first place.

2. I (heart) BJs shirts are tacky, stupid, and overplayed. We've all seen them. We laughed the first time. But they're no longer funny and need to be retired.

3. Don't leave or return to your seat in the middle of an at-bat. You'd be surprised at how many people do this. It's bullshit and just flat out fucking annoying for those of us who actually want to see the game.

4.Don't throw shit onto the field * . As you may know, a baseball game is a rather time consuming event. Dumping your garbage onto the field of play just lengthens the game and delays any pitches from being thrown. You don't watch the garbage men haul away your neighbours' trash, right? No one wants to watch a 14 year old ball boy pick up your can of Budweiser from left-centre field either.

and finally,

5.Don't be the guy trying to start the wave. There is something wrong with someone who values a good wave over a good game of baseball. So don't be that jackass who pisses and moans about the people in his section not following his lead. People are there to get drunk and enjoy the game in all of its glory, not to take orders from some drunken douchebag with a chinstrap beard. With that being said though, never let the wave die once it reaches you. Pay it forward. 

NOW. Onto the game. I've never seen the 'Dome packed so tightly or heard  a crowd so loud. 45,539 people were packed into that cement palace and they were rewarded for their enthusiasm with an absolute beatdown of the Minnesota Twins. With 4 round-trippers and 13 RBI, the Jays really took it to Carl Pavano. I'll spare you the details because I'm sure most of you attended or have seen the recaps on TSN and Sportsnet. All in all, JP had a monster day and we're seeing a new brand of baseball with Rajai Davis and Yunel Escobar pulling off a double steal in the first goddamn inning. Something the Jays haven't done since Vernon Wells and Scott Rolen had pulled it off in 2009. 

So expect some very interesting and exciting ball in the coming months. And futrthermore, don't buy into this shit of our projected 75-win season,'cause 162-0 perfection is still in effect.

* - Unless you can ping A-rod in the face with a rock 

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue

As you may or may not have heard, the Toronto front office has decided to indefinitely suspend the powder blue jerseys the team wears on home games played on Fridays. I was actually pissed off with this move because in my opinion they were the most badass uniforms in the MLB. Most people might believe that this is a giant "fuck you!" to the teams heritage, and its understandable when looked at in passing . But what if it's a symbol of the franchise moving on and looking toward the future instead of keeping a kung-fu death clutch on the old school ways?

This is the only reasoning I can come up with and I feel that it makes sense when you consider the rebuilding mode the franchise shifted to once AA started running shit. By trading away the franchise cornerstones of Roy Halladay and Vernon Wells (thank God), and building up a sexy farm that is going to provide steady incoming talent for the next several years, there is a bright future for these blue birds.

This also makes me wonder what our next set of alternates will look like. I'd lose my shit to see the Championship era uniforms make a comeback, and for what it's worth- I think we should employ those bad boys full-time. But like I speculated, I can't see AA reviving anything old, just creating creating something new.

Return of the King

I'm sure all of you have been suffering some form of depression during my month long absence. But fear not, I'm back and ready to get this shit rolling again.

So as many of you may have heard already, Brandon Morrow was put on the 15-day DL retroactive to March 22 due to forearm stiffness and will miss his first scheduled start of the 2011 campaign. According to Mr. Anthopolous, it doesn't seem too serious as he attributes Morrow's DL stint to just being "very cautious". So we can just assume that there is no serious damage, and the Jays are just trying not to push him so hard before we start kicking ass during games that actually count.

With that being said, we now have a semi-permanent rotation in place for at least the next two weeks where we will see Romero, Drabek, Cecil, Reyes and Litsch (in that order) taking turning spitting hot fire. It would have been easier two weeks ago to make a perfect NCAAB March Madness bracket than it would have been to predict the opening week roto for the Jays.

As much as I think Marc Rzepczynski (AKA Scrabble) deserved a shot in at least the 5th slot instead of being relegated to the bullpen, I think putting Reyes in there makes a bit more sense seeing as how Jo-Jo is out of options. Plus, its still early enough to switch him with Scrabble if Reyes really begins to struggle in the starters role.

Closing Up Shop


The battle for the title of closer is really simmering down and we now have a better idea of who is going to wear that crown. For my money, I'd have the massive (6'11") Jon Rauch shutting it down in the ninth. Aside from the fact that most people would shit their pants to stand in front of someone that big tossing fire at them, he seems to be having a great spring so far (1-0,  0.00 ERA, 1SV, 6K, 2BB over 7.0 IP). He was also the closer for the Twins last year, converting 21 of 25 save opportunities.

The other candidates for the closer role include Octavio Dotel, Jason Frasor, and Frank Francisco. With both Dotel and Francisco landing on the DL with a strained hamstring and right pectoral muscle tightness respectively, and Jason Frasor fucking the dog in his past time as a closer on top of an average spring (2.25 ERA, 2K, 2BB, 4.0IP) I can't see any significant challengers in this role until Dotel and Francisco are healthy again.

Sell Outs


It was announced Wednesday that the Blue Jays Home Opener against the Minnesota Twins next Friday is sold out. SOLD THE FUCK OUT! I thought someone had slipped me some acid when I first heard the news, but it has been confirmed. I can't remember the last time the Jays officially sold out the Skydome (yes I still call it that) but I'm glad that people are finally paying some attention and more notably, showing the rest of the MLB that Canadians actually give half a shit about baseball.

So if you have a ticket, be sure to get belligerently drunk and show your support for the hometown team. This guide from Drunk Jays Fans is pretty bang with providing guidelines on what you should and shouldn't do when enjoying some ball on opening day. With that being said, I need to go and train my liver for next Friday.

AL bEast Predictions

Seeing as how it's still the pre-season and we're all itching hard for baseball as if Selig himself gave us crabs , I've decided to give my take on the projections for the 2011 season in the AL bEast.

Overall, I think it's safe to say that this off-season has really shaken things up in this division with the Yankees getting worse on pitching and the bottom feeders like the Jays and O's Rays making some serious progress towards AL beast status.

Yankees: With the retirement of Pettitte, the Yanks seem to be shriveling hard in the SP rankings like a dick in ice water. So much so that there was even a slogan created- something along the lines of  "Sabathia and Hughes, then we lose". You can tell that these guys are getting deperate with the minor league signings of Bartolo Colon, Freddy Garcia and Mark Prior. Expect Ivan Nova and Sergio Mitre to make the rotation with these withered and slimmed pickings. On the other hand their bats haven't taken a step back at all. Look for Robinson Cano, Mark Teixeira and Alex Rodriguez to provide the meat with Curtis Granderson and Brett Gardiner to bring some serious wheels to the table. With their "core four" down to just three, and the remaining players getting older and shittier with each passing day, don't be surprised if they start bringing up some fresh blood even before September to learn the ropes.

Red Sox: They arguably had the best off-season in the entire MLB. Signing Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez will definitely add some serious danger to their lineup. While the loss of Victor Martinez could be a problem behind the plate,  Jarrod Shitalamacchia Saltalamacchia should be able to do a decent job defensively while he splits time with that geriatric fuck, Jason Varitek. Their rotation is a bit of a tricky subject as they will have to rely heavily on Josh Beckett to return to his '07,'08, and '09 form and lead the staff. Something tells me that he is going to have to put in some serious sweat to keep the team off the backs of shitballer Tim Wakefield and Alfredo Aceves. Daisuke Matsuzaka is also another interesting variable along with Clay Buccholz. Look for John Lackey to be his consistent, middle-rotation self and for Jon Lester to finally gain some respect by having a career year.

Rays:  The Rays' rotation has the greatest upside in the division next to the Blue Jays. Watch for Jeremy Hillickson, Wade Davis, and Jeff Niemann to have improved years and for David Price to once again compete for the AL Cy Young. With the loss of Carl Crawford, it leaves a large jock to be filled in the outfield as well as in the lineup. While the additions of Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon are things a casual fan would be excited about; people who know a dog shit's worth of baseball understand that they are just names used by the Rays' front office to generating some ticket sales (not to mention past steriod abuse that renders Man-Ram physically unable to fill the jock due to shrinkage). With a decimated bullpen and the loss of their closer Rafael Soriano, the Rays could potentially have a lot of problems hanging in with the aforementioned Red Sox and Yankees.

Orioles: I didn't have to look too deep into this team to realize that its going to be another year of eating shit for the O's and their fans. The additions of Derrek Lee and Vladimir Guerrero do bring some pop to the order, but also serious risks of injury. Don't be surprised if they build a handicap ramp for Vlad to get out of the dugout and into the on-deck circle. JJ Hardy is a decent player, but his inconsistency is his biggest threat. Mark Reynolds? Well..what can you really say about him aside from the fact that he will have more strikeouts than the all the guys in the order combined with his .235/.323/.461 line when hitting outside of Arizona. Expect a lot of call-ups throughout the season, a lot of losses, but also the suicide rate to cool off a bit as these birds will start to show signs of competing.

Blue Jays:  The bullpen featuring Octavio Dotel, Jon Rauch and Frank Francisco among others is one of the brightest spots for this rebuilding and youthful Jays squad. The rotation of Cecil, Romero, and Morrow has the potential to be a beastly combo once they get a few more innings under their collective belts. Look for Travis Snider to finally add consistency to his power, and for bounce-back seasons by Aaron Hill and Adam Lind. Also, expect JP Arrencibia to cement his role behind the dish, and for this budding club to be lead by another great season from Jose Bautista. All in all, they're finally rebuilding the right way thanks to some backdoor sneaks from AA. Don't be surprised if they make a few more moves before opening day.

Projected Records:

Red Sox- 97-65
Yankees- 89-73
Rays- 85- 77
Jays- 83-79
Orioles- Fucked

As an addition to this absolutely clairvoyant and flat out sexy analysis, I want to throw in another "...What?" posting. Special thanks to Manny for just being Manny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrhpW602oQ8

More on the Joey Bats Contract

Assuming you haven't been living under a rock for the last few days, you've probably heard of the Jays signing Jose Bautista to a contract extension. The deal is for 5years at $64mil., and while a lot of people are skeptical  about this (including myself), I still think it just might work out.





First, let's take a look at the structure of this bad boy. Bautista is scheduled to earn $7 million in the coming 2011 campaign and $14 million for the remaining 4 years with a club option for a 6th year and a buyout tag of $1 million. Now, my real beef lies in the fact that its a little heavy on the backside (much like my ex girlfriend...ZING!) in 2014 and 2015.If you buy into the Jays farm system at all, you will know that a lot of our minor-league stars like Kyle Drabek, Zach Stewart, JP Arrencibia, Brett Lawrie and Brett Cecil will be well developed by then and (hopefully) kicking some major ass. And should this be the case, we're going to need some serious dolla dolla bills to hang onto them.

Now we can't expect him to repeat his Christ-like feat of 54 home runs from last season, but we can expect some good offensive numbers. Keep in mind that in the second half of last season he hit 30 of his 54 home runs, meaning that teams were still having trouble figuring out how to get it by him. Hypothetically if he hits 30-35 HR and brings in 100+ (which he should as we expect him to be hitting cleanup) then the contract will start to make more sense. Not to mention the whole "being a leader" thing and all those other intangibles that people like to suck on to justify a deal this big. But then again- a "big" contract is all relative. For the Jays, $65 million is a pretty big number, but relative to the Yankees or Red Sox, this is chump change that can be scavenged from the pockets of Brian Cashman or Theo Epstein themselves. Also, if he did  in fact hit the FA market, we could have expected to see a deal this big, if not bigger.

Payroll is an issue for the Jays and AA, but don't forget that we have some of the biggest pockets in the league backing this club - Rogers Communications. These guys know that we are going to need some serious funding down the road, and they are well aware of this shit-kicking juggernaut thats growing more and more every day. All in all, don't fret too much about the size of this deal and expect the payroll to blow up like Kirstie Alley did back in '03.

TSN Can Fuck Right Off...Old Re-Hashed Shit

So after I got suckered in to watch the Leafs and Sabres tonight on TSN and was subsequently subjected to the redundant shit spewing forth from a panel of NHL experts (read: washed-up 3-star players), I got fed up with TSN all over again. Here's an older post that I want to bring up again to stress how much I fucking hate Canadian coverage (or lack thereof) of baseball. Note: The emphasis is on TSN and not Sportsnet or The Score, although I'm sure I'll get tired of their underhanded, gypsy ways eventually:

Jason Spezza beating puppies with a golf club.
Note the smile.

So I am fully aware that most casual sports fans in Toronto ( and Canada in general) couldn't give any less of a fuck about baseball - especially in the off-season. But what you should have passed by at some point is the trading of one of Toronto's greatest commodities in recent years. I am talking of course, about the Ace of the Blue Jays' pitching staff- Roy Halladay. Coverage of this massive event in the baseball world was everywhere from Twitter to the Seattle Post, and as expected - TSN shit the fucking bed...again.

The 4-team blockbuster trade that took weeks to pound out by upper management officials in Seattle, Toronto, Oakland and Philadelphia was one to raise eyebrows on even the most casual of sports fans. The deal sent 2008 AL Cy Young winner Cliff Lee to Seattle and 2003 Cy Young winner (and Toronto legend) Roy "Doc" Halladay to Philadelphia with a supporting cast of young star prospects changing place between the four teams.

So what I don't understand is why this exchange of  a shit-tonne of potential and proven talent took a back seat to the knee injury of Jason Spezza. That's right...Jason fucking Spezza.

Obviously there is a Ron Jeremy sized boner in this nation which favours hockey, but since when does the definition of "sports" become synonymous with hockey alone? For example, I can't claim to be a meteorologist when I only report days that are sunny and occasionally throw in a rain shower or a shitstorm to fill in excess time in my slot.


Essentially, TSN is the NHL Centre Ice package that you never paid for. Maybe baseball will get some airtime when the Jays win the World Series again ; but until then, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Sweet Mary and Jose(ph)

Now before we all start shitting ourselves about this supposed 5-year $65mil deal with Jose Bautista as reported by Enrique Rojas of ESPN Deportes, lets keep in mind that this is not an official deal. Rojas reports that the sides are "close" to an agreement, which means that they are probably working out the final small numbers and option year(s) etc. Either way, the numbers really shouldn't change a whole lot and I'm still not sold on the huge payday for the man who slugged 54 last season. The reason being is AA worked his voodoo magic since taking the throne to rid the Jays of the absolute bullshit contracts of Alex Rios and Vernon Wells in order to free up some dollar bills for the future. And I feel he took a small step backwards and into a pile of goose shit. This is a massive deal for Bautista, and could be awesome for us too- but you can't expect him to repeat those kinds of numbers - .260/.378/.617 with 54 HR and 124 RBI. Well, maybe the batting average part.Now before you go and peg me as a hater, let me just clear the air and say that I really do like Jose; just not for $65mil. It's wishful thinking at this point that deal is front-loaded because I sure as shit don't want to cough up $13 million in 2014 and 2015. I'm sure he will be a major asset to our lineup considering in the latter half of the 2010 season he still managed to hit 30 bombs off of pitchers that still couldn't figure out how to pitch him.


I want to relay a nice little bit of baseball nerd data I found from the guys over at DJF, "

David Cameron of FanGraphs passes on an interesting bit of analysis, via Twitter. "With standard aging curve and 5% inflation assumption, 5/65 for Bautista values him as a +3.5 win player," he says. "Sounds about right, actually."

Essentially in sabermetric talk, this means that with Jose in the lineup, the Jays should win 3.5 more games this season that they would without him. 


Ideally, I wish they would've taken the arbitration talks and signed him for the $10.5 that he asked for. But after all of this, the only thing I can hope for is to see them shave a year off of this report and drop it down a few million. Let's say...4 years at $56 million ($14 mil per season). This should keep him happy, allow for more long-term flexibility on the payroll, and provide a leader (and hispanic translator) in the clubhouse. 

If this deal raised your blood pressure, or you want to celly hard because our Jays are on the verge of locking up your (new) favourite player, then share the moment with this first of many "...What?" links that I'll start throwing in whenever I feel like it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ4xt77TeeU

Breaker Breaker one-niner

Jays have just signed OF Scott Podsednik to a minor league deal and an invite to Spring Training. Review of recent Jays signings coming soon.

So essentially what we have here is a closet Canadian. Scott Podsednik (34) for some strange reason has a boner for Canada, and more importantly AA and the Jays. Last season he hit .297 with 6 dingers, 51 RBIs and 35 SB on split time with the Royals and Dodgers. Today the Jays officially announced a minor league deal with Scott Podsednik and giving him an invite to Spring Training. The reason I suspect the pocket rocket is because he declined a deal worth $2 million with the Los Angeles Dodgers back in November. Not saying that he had secret plans all along to somehow maneuver the FA market to land with us, but I just think wild speculation makes for a sweeter story.

So it seems thats the CF position is going to be a platoon situation with Rajai Davis batting and throwing right and Scott Podsednik batting and throwing left. With 443 SB between the two ( Podsednik having 300 himself) it looks like the Jays are trading in some of that long-ball power for some OBP and SB (Podsednik and Davis having a .340 and .328 OBP respectively). Not that those are mind-fucking numbers by any stretch, but the speed on the base paths and potential for swiping a base turns the team into a more well-rounded light.

Basically the way I see it is that Rajai will probably get more starts at CF than The Pod seeing as how AA announced in a press conference today that " 'as of right now' Podsednik will be competing for a spot on the bench. He hasn't received a guaranteed role on the club". Expect to see The Pod get some additional time splitting the field with Juan Rivera. This is assuming that AA isn't already brewing some more super sneak ninja trades behind his curtain. 

Nike Dolla Bills

I finally got a chance to check out the new Ricky Romero Nike commercial. I must say- I do get a bit of a tingling feeling in my pants when baseball commercials start popping up telling me that the season really isn't that far off anymore. In this clip of film noir, Ricky takes you through the mean streets of East LA with obligatory shots of urban Spanish culture, i.e.;  pitbulls, taco trucks, and low-riders.

Aside from all the stereotypical screenshots, this ad is actually pretty badass. I love Rick Ro and I think its about time the Jays start getting some love (and money)  from the big boys over at Nike. Although despite showing the Nike logo in about 15 different shots, the directors never once showed a Jays logo...or mentioned the Jays at all. In fact, Ricky said that he was "Ricky Romero, from east Los Angeles".  Interesting - yes. Disheartening- yes. But surprising? Not a fucking chance if you're a Jays fan.

It's About Goddamn Time

So it's finally here. Spring training has begun with pitchers and catchers report and its very fitting that it was on Valentine's Day. Let's have a look at some story lines to prep us for this awesome 2011 campaign.

First off, the biggest topic is the deadline Albert Pujols has set with the St. Louis Cardinals. As of today, The Machine is set to hit the Free Agent market if no deal is reached by noon on Wednesday. There's no doubt that in either case Pujols will be raking in a 9-figure deal no matter which team signs him. I can't stress enough how fucking awesome this guy is with a career triple slash line of .331/.426/.624 and 408 HR in his 10 year career in St. Louis. The latest news indicates that talks have all but broken down and it looks like The Machine will be testing the FA waters come the end of the 2011 season. 

This brings us to our next topic- Jose Bautista. His arbitration talks have been postponed to Friday which allows for more negotiation time to pin down a long-term deal. Originally, Jose asked for $10.5 million and the Jays front office countered with an offer of $7.6 mil. The general consensus among teammates is that they would like him to stay. Input from second basemen Aaron Hill gives us a look into the mind of Jose,  “He’s probably looking for a four- or five-year deal and it just depends if Alex and the ownership want to work out that kind of money,” Hill said. “I can imagine he’s looking for a good penny – make that a good bill." The problem is quite obvious - will he be consistent in the coming years if he does in fact sign a multi-year deal? Well my friends, if you can answer this, then you would be the most profitable GM in professional sports history. 

There is also the concern that signing the relatively "old" slugger (30) would not fit into the overall plans of AA to build a younger team for a long-term haul. Although on the upside, it seems that pitchers still haven't figured out a way to pitch around him. In 2010, he hit 30 of his MLB leading 54 home runs after the All-Star break. Obviously this is something to take into account for AA during his contract talks.  Now I'm not saying he's going to be a 50 Hr threat every year, but still...how awesome would that be? 

Finally, a quick look at the rotation. I think its safe to say that the first 3 slots are set with Romero, Cecil and Morrow. The real x-factors lie in the remaining fourth and fifth slots. Familiar names like Scott Richmond, Jesse Litsch and Mark Rzepczynski seem more likely to fill the gaps. But our young guns aren't as far behind as you would think.

 Brad Mills (25) posted a 3.71 ERA with 7.7 K/9 on the New Hampshire Fisher-Cats (AA) . Teammate Zach Stewart  (24) had a 3.62 ERA with 7.0 K/9, and highly touted prospect Kyle Drabek (23) went 14-9 (including a no-hitter) with a sharp 2.94 ERA and 7.3K/9.

All in all, this is season is going to be a near acid trip as we will see a shitload of ups and downs. But it's definitely a welcome change from the monotonous 80 +/- 3 win season with low hopes for the future back in the days of J.P. Ricciardi. We will be keeping a close eye on contract and arbitration talks in the coming days. In the meantime, here's a list of non-roster invitees for the 2011 Spring Training workouts in Florida to keep you busy.